by Arianna Jackson, MA
Sociopolitical discussions, or conversations around politics or problems in your community, in the United States often expose children to complex and distressing topics such as xenophobia, racism, islamophobia, and misogyny. These issues appear frequently in personal interactions, social media, the news, and potentially in school. However, K-12 school-based opportunities are increasingly limited, in part due to an executive order that could defund public schools who teach about racism or gender identity, and differences in access to civic learning opportunities for lower-income and nonwhite youth. Consequently, many youth look towards their parents to understand the social issues they are witnessing or experiencing.
Despite how young they are, elementary school-aged children may be more ready to engage in these topics than the adults in their life expect. Yet, as children seek support from their parents, many families struggle with these difficult conversations. Families in our study of an intergenerational civic leadership initiative - the Children’s Leadership Training Institute (CLTI) and the Parent Leadership Training Institute (PLTI) - identified two major areas of concern when having these conversations with their children:
“Struggling to Find the Right Words”: “I want to find the appropriate words before bringing those things [school shootings] into their knowledge. I don't want to terrify them.” Many parents worry about using the correct language for children according to their age. This struggle over the right words can halt conversations around social issues before they truly begin.
“Deciding Which Topics to Discuss”: “We watch the news, the little things that might be concerning to them at that time… those are news that are bringing conversation with my kids. What's the one with abortion rights? It has nothing to do with them so we don't need to talk about that right now…” Children are exposed to an array of social issues, like reproductive rights, through the news. However, parents can struggle to determine what topics they should discuss with their children.
The parents in this study vulnerably shared their anxieties about these conversations, but they also co-developed strategies with their children on how to have successful family discussions. The following recommendations are informed by the family practices shared by the families interviewed.
Recommendations
- Cultivate an open space for children to ask questions and voice their opinions.
One PLTI parent of two children ages 10 and 7 reflected, “I tell my kids and my husband, anything, tiniest thing or the biggest thing, bring it on the table so we can talk about it.” Creating an open and safe environment where children feel comfortable asking questions and voicing their opinions helps them feel like they can approach their parents with issues they have heard about. Parents create such environments through normalizing conversations about hard things in daily life during family dinners, car rides, or before bed.
One family used the “high low buffalo” conversation starter to get children to open up about their days. At dinner, they take turns sharing one high about their day, one low about their day, and anything else on their mind (buffalo). Research demonstrates that children who have more conversations with their parents and feel more understood by their parents are more likely to be civically involved in their late teens to early twenties.
- Put complex issues or words, like prejudice or discrimination, into language children already use.
Researchers suggest reframing sociopolitical discussions from rare, or major moments, to a common part of parenting. One way to do this is through language that enables children to understand complex social issues in ways they currently see the world. After having a conversation about xenophobia, one CLTI daughter, age 10 stated, “It matters, we have to treat each other equally, then it would be fair for all of us. For example, someone else from a different country, they're not being treated equally, so we have to treat other people equally.”
Examples of Introductory Phrases Words Used by Families in this Study:
- Difference
- Equal/unequal
- Fair/unfair
- Suggest ways your family can get involved together in issues children are concerned about.
One PLTI parent of an 8 year old boy shared, “[I] tell him why I'm advocating for something and I ask how he feels about it. If he wants to, and he has interest in it, then I support him as well.” Planned activities can also be prompted by children. For instance, one daughter, age 6, said “People like my aunts like to litter, and we're trying to clean it up. Mom, can we go to Grandpa’s and clean up?”
Parents do not need to have all the answers, nor be the only ones to figure out a way to get children involved. Further, participation in local activities helps not only focus the conversation, but also enables healthy child development, where children can learn about the civic world by being active members in it. This can be especially important for issues without simple answers. Doing civic activities together- like volunteering at a nonprofit, attending a protest or march, or tending to the community garden- can turn difficult conversations into opportunities for empowerment and connection.
Youth are especially concerned about issues that affect their community or school and benefit from civic engagement opportunities around personally-relevant issues. Indeed, family is considered to be the most common way youth get involved in civic engagement, so age-appropriate discussions and civic activities are important for youth's future civic engagement, and is linked to greater educational attainment, and long-term life satisfaction.
Many parents feel anxious about having difficult conversations with their children. However, children often take the first step by bringing up social issues themselves. By following their children’s lead and meeting them where they are, parents can help co-create meaningful opportunities for dialogue and civic development.
Arianna Jackson is a Ph.D. candidate in Applied Developmental Psychology at Fordham University; ajackson85@fordham.edu.
This study was generously funded by the William T. Grant Foundation. For more information about the study, please contact Dr. Joanna Geller at joanna.geller@nyu.edu.